na janay kab say
umeedain kuch baaki hain
mujhe phir bhi teri yaad
kyun aathi hai
na janay kab say

duur jithna bhi tum mujh se
paas teray mein
ab tho aadat si hai mujh ko aisay jeenay mein
zindagi say koi shikwa
bhi nahin hai
ab tho zinda hoon mein iss neelay aasman mein

chahat aisi hai yeh teri
barr thi ja-ay
aahat aisi hai yeh teri
mujh ko satha-ay
yaadain gehri hain ithnee
dil doob ja-ay
aur aanjhon mein yeh ghum num bun ja-ain
sabhi raatein hain
sabhi baatein hain
bhula do unhay
mita do unhay
ab tho aadat si hai mujh ko ...

my life defined in a song...when this song had released we were still very much together...and u were still in love with me. In spsite of everything...why do I still remember you... am now beginning to be scared of you..everytime we talk I feel that now you will say something thats going to hurt me..everytime I want to say something to you, I think twice and then finally let go of it...becos I am sure that you will prolly say something thats going to hurt me...tell me did I really hurt you this much or are you hurting me more? chahat aesi hai teri badhti jaye...how do I stop loving you...its not possible. If STOP LOVE was a pill I would have gladly taken it and that would have been the end of it all. But its not...I have no control over my heart. I stay away from you, I hardly talk to you, I keep myself busy with work...so much so that I haven't even gotten the time to write in so long...But it never goes...never never goes. its always there...just under the surface...Nothing makes any difference anymore...everytime you say something nice, I feel a rush of joy for five minutes and then your words come back to me...'I don't feel anything when am with you', 'I don't want to go out anywhere with you,' 'i don't love you' 'i don't care about you', 'i read your blog but i din't feel anything'!!! arey don't feel na yaar! god damn you!!!...and there are just so many of them that i can fill up this entire page with them...Your words are killing me slowly and slowly...day by day...neither can i forget you, neither can i stop loving you...and neither can i do anything about it...I have moved on with my life. don't worry about that. I am working, taking care of my family, doing everything...but there's this feeling of emptiness in everything...WHY!!! AM SO FED UP OF THIS! i wish i could stop loving you...i feel like taking my heart out and throwing it someplace where I can never hear it beat your name again...A part of me would die for a look full of love from you...and its dying...a slow and painful death. People say that you emerge from a heart break stronger. But I don't think that's true. You just emerge feelingless...emotionless, empty...an empty hourglass thats how my life has become. I used to love to talk to you...but now I prefer silence...my only resort...my silent words...can you not see the tears that hide behind my smile..can you not feel the pain in my silence...silence of words...an apt title for my blog. I love the silence in my life now. I am growing to enjoy every second of it. Because that's what you have given me...a silent life. you have taken away my happiness and my smile and my chit chats...and left me with silence. No, actually you haven't left me with silence...I have myself left myself in silence. neither can i live like this and neither will you let me die...Except dying in body there's nothing left now. Its like am a zombie you know. Going through the routines of life and stopped caring. Jo hoga theek hai..prolly deserved it. How much have I prayed..just how much...is there no god who is hearing my prayers...no one? See since you stopped loving me, even the gods have turned away from me. This is not true love...true love never dies...the color of the vermillion you gave me never faded...then how did your love? is it that easy? Isnt it said that ture love conquers all? Isn't it said that if you truly love a person you will never leave them? Then why did you tell me you loved me truly and then leave me when I need you the most...I don't have much time left....I didn't take my medicines the whole day today and down with a vvvv bad headache...but the minute I sleep I know that the only thing which will come to haunt me is my silence...for that is all I have now...my silent words..an apt name for my blog really..