I deleted a lot of my previous blog after posting it...why many of you might ask...but it was prolly for the better. I don't want to hurt the ppl I love and those who love me in any way and therefore it was necessary for some truths to be deleted...for the better obviously. My guy going on a trip to someplace in Himachal with his friends...funny he calls me a friend and yet has so many complaints and rules for me..though none for his guy friends. So what does that mean that am I not a friend? I know that I am not...Am also just pretending to be his friend. Love is a lost word from my life now. But its prolly for the better itself you know. I have around 6 more months to pass that should be taken care of pretty nicely no..after all life passes by real easily. My dad's coming back from Korea in December and am really looking forward to it. I guess time will go by really fast then. Till jan/mid feb it will go by in a flash. As it is I only have to wait till at the max May no...shouldn't be a problem :) At least everything will be over then...no more pain and no more pretensions. I will be free as will be he... november end/start of december he will be gone as it is. so he will get refuge from my nagging as well. it will be a nice change for him I guess. As they say in the matrix, love is a word. it is up to us which emotion we associate it with. for me, I have associated love with nothing but pain. Why is it that what we have we never appreciate till we lose it...is it possible to ever get back what we have lost? There are so many things I do not know the answers to. I wish sometimes I had the power to read minds. that ways I would know what he's thinking when he's with me. Do I want to be with him? Not really...I mean physically be with him...it hurts me to be so close to him and realize that he isn't relly there or that if he wasn't with me it wouldn't any god damned difference to him...its ok..just 6 more months to go though...finally I will be at peace...